Upon further digging I found out that Mike Check SOMEHOW left where he was being held in Folsom Prison where he was arrested for lack of paying child support for over at LEAST 500 kids that he has (and that we know about), but he has one loyal daughter to him who is apparently not only a giant whore that will sleep with anything with a pulse; but a giant whore with big, giant, fake boobs and a “hell of a whiz kid” according to Mike himself.
Running out of leads and ideas on how to find Mike one of my stripper friends from my local club actually ran into Mike Check’s daughter and didn’t even know about it. According to my conversation with my friend it sounds like MC's daughter is heading back to Sacramento which is near to…Folsom Prison.
The plot thickens and I take a trip to Sacramento while on the...fascinating trail for Mike Check.)
Aw yes, Sacramento. If you want a great description of it you’re not getting one from me! Sacramento is like any other major city in your world except they don’t house a rapist in their city…Kobe! Sacramento has the Kings and...that’s it! Okay, okay I may be going a wee bit overboard here; I have family in the area. I’m in a city with no clues following maybe a typical stereotype trying to find an aging DJ so why am I here again?!? Oh yeah, I have to find a dated DJ or else I get fed to a Zombie, lovely.
So I tried what got me here in the first place; the local strip clubs to see if Mike Check’s daughter may be working in one of them. That turned out to be a very bad idea. Not only did those strip clubs leave me nearly broke but I got nothing. I saw one brunette with giant, fake boobs, but other than that all blondes with average boobs and none of them were bright enough to fix even a deck of cards more than being a tech genius!
So the next thing I did was play out the big boobed angle yet again but this time played the political angle by thinking that MC’s daughter may be working as a prostitute/paid escort (same difference to me). Basically I pissed off the entire Sacramento prostitute market by not paying them and asking for information but other than that I got nothing, and I’m basically banned from the Sacramento prostitute area which is SO nice! I ran out of ideas so I didn’t know what to do next.
I thought since I was out of ideas and in Sacramento I might as well go visit the family. So there I was after a one-hour drive to see my family and let me tell you it was a great time for me to see them since I haven’t seen them physically in months. They asked me why I was here so I recapped my entire story to them, and they didn’t believe the part where if I don’t find Mike Check I get fed to a Zombie Nerd! They still didn’t believe me, so I showed them footage of Zombie Nathaniel attacking one of his victims, before stating that “Doctor Who” is the greatest Sci-Fi show ever and “Star Trek” is such a rip-off...which then led to Zombie Nathaniel eating his victim’s brains! Mom felt a little worried about me while the brother was literally rolling on the floor laughing at me hoping that I’ll fail. Who knew that people can actually be “Rolling on The Floor Laughing"?
After catching up with how things were going in our lives the family decided to take me out to dinner. Sometimes moms can do things for you that nobody can and in this instance she gave me a lead. She suggested that I go to Folsom Prison in person to see what was going on. I said that I already checked Folsom and that led to me being here. Her reply was that "maybe a personal visit would bring in a whole new perspective".
That’s actually not a bad idea because sometimes when you deal with people on the phone it just leads basically nowhere so maybe by visiting Folsom personally I can figure out what the hell is going on here with the whole Mike Check disappearance deal. I thanked my family for the help they can give me in this mess.
Folsom Prison is actually in a town that’s called “Folsom”, which is one hell of a coincidence! Now from Sacramento to Folsom usually takes about 20 minutes or so but since I was starting my day by leaving my family’s home we are talking about a one-and-a-half hour trip! That sounds like no fun!
So to kill the time during the trip I was thinking of some plans to stall Zombie Nathaniel from eating me: I was thinking either the whole “Star Trek”/”Star Wars” debate or maybe check to see if Zombie Nate was a brony because if he was, man he probably talk my ear off on “My Little Pony” that would give me enough time to escape! That would probably work right? RIGHT?!? I’m betting probably not since zombies love the smell of warm flesh and I would be dead so fast.
I arrived at the prison and tried to arrange a normal prisoner visit. Of course I expected the answer that Mike Check wouldn’t be at the prison so I asked where he was.
The response I got at the office was a pretty weird one; they told me that Mike had a “prisoner transfer”!
Are you kidding me?!?
Mike Check had a “Convenient” prison transfer to the “Wrestlecrap Radio Series Finale”!?!? Oh HELL NO!
I immediately headed towards the Warden’s office to see how in the hell did Mike Check get a transfer out of Folsom! There I was about to meet with the Warden of Folsom Prison…or should I say HAD to meet the Warden if he was in his office. Okay fine, I come back tomorrow and see if he’s back, no big deal.
Yeah, it became a big deal with I kept re-visiting the Warden’s office for over a week at different times and having the same results: The Warden was not at his office. The weird part was that The Warden wasn’t in his office at all for the past 2 weeks! No vacation time, nothing else special, just gone! Okay that’s very weird!
I needed to track down that Warden but unfortunately I was broke as hell for the moment so I have to either A: Find a cheap ass way to track The Warden down or B: Borrow some money. While I was leaving the prison’s visiting area trying to get the hell out of this prison and trying to figure out some excuse to call PB for some extra money a prisoner somehow noticed me. The prisoner has seen me in and out of this prison and was really curious as to what I’m doing here; I told him that I was looking for a guy by the name of Mike Check; the prisoner at first didn’t know who he was until I described to him what Mike Check is.
Then the prisoner exclaimed “Oh, you mean Al Catraz?!?” Al Catraz?!? Da Hell?!?
The prisoner explained to me what happened to Mike Check, I mean Al Catraz! Folsom Prison has morning announcements for the day and The Warden has the prisoners do the announcements so they can contribute. But leave it to Mike Check to go overboard on something; he decided that doing just the morning announcements wasn’t good enough. He had turned the intercom system into his own radio station calling it “KBRK, The Breakout” and started calling himself “Al Catraz” because he thought it would “Play well in this particular market.” After that he was playing mostly songs that would involve prison breaks like “Jailbreak” by Thin Lizzy, and thanks to this he accidentally caused a prison riot. The Warden threw Mike Check in solitary for not only inciting the riot but having a lot of prisoners wanting to kick his ass.
The next day after the riot a visitor arrived that fit the description of Mike Check’s daughter with one difference. She didn’t have the giant fun bags that she has now at the time. The next day Mike somehow left Folsom a free man, and hours after that the Warden left the prison with Mike Check’s daughter holding her waist!!!
Double Da Hell?!?
The prisoner then told me he knew where the happy couple of the Warden and MC’s daughter went to, but for a price; in exchange for the information I had to give up Trolla Corp’s latest product in the food industry designed for college students: “The Ramen Trolla” which is designed to make anything into yummy, tasty, Ramen (if you like the taste of sweat socks that is.). The prisoner told me the happy couple was staying at a local Folsom hotel called the “Lake Natoma Inn”. I thanked the man and took off.
Aw yes, the “Lake Natoma Inn”. It’s here where I get to find Mike Check here and bring him to wrestlecraradio.com! Luckily it was easily to find the Warden here since he used his real name but I couldn’t get his room number! So I figured the only way to get to his hotel room would be to follow him very quietly using my “ninja skills”. Hey my ninja skills had worked dodging needy strippers, bill collectors, and Tammy Lynn Sytch (don’t ask)!
Finally I reached the room, I take a deep breath knowing that this will all come to an end, and then I slowly knocked on the door.
“About time you came back”, said what was behind the door which I assumed was the Warden, “now get back in here and get naked because I want to do the “Pink Sock” then the “Tony Danza” and…You’re not Clarabelle!”
“Yeah! No-“ I said briefly before the Warden tried to close the door on me. I jammed my foot in the door so I can get in and grabbed the Warden who was apparently wearing nothing but a bathrobe and a smile (I know, EW!).
“Now listen!” I yelled. “I’m looking for Mike Check and you have something to do with this! TALK!”
“Mike who?” wondered the Warden.
I sighed then said “You know, old guy with the cowboy hat, grizzled beard, talks forever, talks about his radio career on…and on…and…on”
“You mean Al Catraz?” says The Warden.
“Yes.” I said. “Now talk!”
For time constraints this is the Warden’s full story with Mike Check:
Mike Check was spending his time in prison at Folsom with his daughter, “Clarabelle”, spending it peacefully learning how to post entries for his website “The Mike Check Show” thanks to a prison program while Clarabelle ran the entire site and basically did the work. But this is Mike Check we’re talking about and he got as far as how to open Internet Explorer. Other than that he was living in hell.
After Clarabelle told her dear old dad about how his previous employers was ending their show Mike wanted more than ever to get out of prison to be there in person. Clarabelle, who was previously trying to get her dad out but failed at each time claiming that he was innocent, tried again but this time at a different angle of getting her dad out for the Series Finale of “Wrestlecrap Radio” but unfortunately that failed each and every time. Mike was offered the morning announcements by The Warden and, well, you know how that went! Clarabelle begged and pleaded with the Warden to get her dad out of solitary but the Warden wouldn’t have any of it. Then…
You know all those stories we keep hearing how Mike Check’s daughter a.k.a. Clarabelle was one giant whore? Well they’re true and she’s EXTREMELY skilled at it! Clarabelle and the Warden “did the deed” for about a hour at least and the Warden liked it…a lot!
Afterwards he agreed with Clarabelle and had Mike released as a “prison transfer” so he wouldn’t get into any trouble in exchange for Clarabelle to be his sex slave. Clarabelle agreed to the deal but added one more condition of wanting to get some breast implants because she was made fun all these years having boobs smaller than an A-Cup and she wants to be a cup bigger to make herself happy. The Warden agreed to that but he’s a boob man so he got Clarabelle giant H-Cup sized boobs because he wants them! (Basically the Warden pulled a “Biff Tannen” from “Back to the Future 2”.) Clarabelle reluctantly agreed and since then she has been mostly using her whoring skills to get money, live her life, & satisfy The Warden’s perverted needs in order to keep her dad free and out of jail, but he does not know where Mike Check is at all!
After hearing that story I was about to ask where Clarabelle was when suddenly the front door gets smashed in & dozens of police officers come rushing into the hotel room! “Arrest Them All!” said one officer. Looks like the Warden did more than abuse power because he was arrested for drug trafficking, blackmail, extortion, and lots more! As for me, I had no idea why I was being handcuffed right at this moment! “Who the hell are you and why are you doing this?!?” I yelled.
The officer says “I’m Sheriff Harry Dickwell, and you’re coming with me!”
Epilogue: Well it's been two weeks since that whole mess with the Warden down in Folsom. The Warden’s in jail now, Clarabelle is still missing and I’m the reluctant partner now to Sheriff Dickwell riding along beside him in his police car. It seems like "Dirty" Harry was brought in because of the possible corruption in Folsom and he thought that Mike Check was behind it all.
Yup, true story. Mike Check as a criminal mastermind is definitely a new one to me.
When I mentioned that I worked for Wrestlecrapradio.com Sheriff Dickwell removed the handcuffs from me since he previously worked with PB in bringing Mike Check to prison in the first place. The both of us have checked every lead that might had mentioned either Mike Check or Clarabelle...nothing! Hell, we even checked the El Paso Market, Mike’s favorite radio market, and...nothing!
But while checking out the Wrestlecrapradio.com website something immediately caught my eye! “Angry” Jim Ross was doing one of his “Mailbag” columns again and he got an e-mail from Mike Check! After doing some research I found out there were definitely some “Starbucks”, the place where Mike sent his e-mail from, on Route 66 in Oklahoma! After finding out on this the Sheriff hit the gas!
“What are you doing?!?” I said.
“You said there were some Starbucks on Route 66!” he said, “And after we check them out we’re going to have a nice little talk with Jim Ross!”
Looks like Sheriff Harry Dickwell and myself are taking a TRIP…To Oklahoma to find Angry Jim Ross!
No comments:
Post a Comment